Violence and abusive behaviour often intensify during family law proceedings, particularly in situations involving coercive control, where a perpetrator’s sense of power or dominance feels threatened. This escalation raises an important question for legal practitioners: how does ongoing abuse affect a victim’s ability to make decisions about their safety, their children, and their legal options? Understanding the cognitive, emotional, and practical impacts of family violence is essential to recognising why victims may appear hesitant, inconsistent, fearful, or conflicted when navigating legal processes.
My decades of work in the family and relationship services sector have shown me how profoundly family violence shapes the way people make decisions during separation and the breakdown of relationships. Research consistently demonstrates that abuse affects how victims evaluate their options, assess risk, and plan for the future. The psychological and cognitive consequences of violence—including trauma, depression, heightened stress and difficulties with cognitive functioning—can limit a person’s capacity to weigh up choices, anticipate consequences, or make decisions within the timeframes typically expected in legal settings.
Coercive control further distorts decision‑making by creating fear, dependency, and a reduced sense of autonomy, often long after the relationship has ended. As a result, decisions about parenting arrangements, safety planning, disclosure of violence and engagement with legal processes are frequently made under conditions of chronic threat, emotional exhaustion, and restricted freedom to act. These impacts must be recognised within the family law system to ensure victims are not disadvantaged or misunderstood when making decisions under such pressure.
Research identifies two key dimensions of decision‑making under conditions of abuse. The first relates to the “leave‑or‑stay” process, where choices are shaped by hopes for the future, the availability of social support, cultural expectations, moral conflict, and a sense of responsibility for maintaining family stability. The second highlights the broader, multi-dimensional nature of decision‑making, which is influenced by fear, emotional regulation, risk perception, access to resources, and the ability to seek help.
Across the literature, it is clear that victims’ choices are shaped by a complex mix of personal, relational, social and cultural factors. Concern for children, feelings of responsibility, financial dependence, and the effects of trauma all play a role.
Even when a victim wants to leave, limited resources, fear of retaliation, or a lack of support can make doing so extremely difficult. Some may return to an abusive partner because of financial insecurity, emotional ties, or a belief that they have no safer alternatives. Overall, the evidence shows that family violence significantly narrows a victim’s sense of choice and makes decision‑making far more complex than it may appear from the outside.
As legal practitioners, we must shape our expectations, our conduct, and our approach around the “lived reality” of the people we represent. A client’s presentation in the legal process is often filtered through the silent, unseen impacts of family violence. Recognising this allows us to respond with greater patience, clarity, and compassion, and ensures that our practice does not unintentionally reinforce the very dynamics of power and control that victims are trying to escape.