I do not think the value of listening to children and giving them a voice could be put any more powerfully then this poem that was recently brought to my attention.
LISTEN
When I ask you to listen to me,
and you start giving advice,
you have not done what I asked.
When I ask you to listen to me,
and you begin to tell me,
why I shouldn’t feel that way,
you are trampling on my feelings.
When I ask you to listen to me,
and you feel you have to, do
something to solve my problem,
you have failed me,
strange as that may seem.
Listen! All I asked, was that you listen,
not talk or do – just hear me.
Advice is cheap:
you can get it anywhere.
And I can do for myself,
I am not helpless.
Maybe discouraged and faltering,
but not helpless.
When you do something for me,
that I can and need to do for myself,
you contribute to my fear and weakness.
But when you accept as a simple fact,
that I do feel what I feel,
no matter how irrational,
then I can quit trying to convince you,
and can go about the business,
of understanding what’s behind,
this irrational feeling.
And when that’s clear,
the answers are obvious,
then I don’t need advice.
Irrational feelings make sense,
when we understand what’s behind them.
So please listen, and just hear me.
And, if you want to talk,
wait a minute for your turn,
and I’ll listen to you.
Ralph Roughton, M.D.
Thanks for this to Cathie Hutchinson